Stalactite supervisor John Sato examines new formations with disappointment.
"A proper stalactite grows downward," said Sato, "But these younger stalactites are rebellious and have little respect for tradition. We’ve caught them growing sideways, diagonally, I saw one just yesterday that grew down at first but then went straight back up again into the rock ceiling."
Numerous theories abound as to why the stalactites are growing more bold. Some blame global warming for chemical shifts in the dripping minerals. Others feel television is to blame. But Sato has another theory:
"Many stalactites today come from modern rock. Classic rock held superior morals and produced straight stalactites. But modern rock, such as hard rock or acidic rock aren’t so solid. To keep stalactites on course, we must examine both the rocks and the role played by the minerals, the substance they communicate downward. Only with a comprehensive study of rock and role will we come to an understanding of the problem, and begin to move toward a solution. Such as an opaline silica solution, or a 50% fluorite solution."
Others feel that blaming rock is a cop-out, and that the problem lies with society’s standard of binary geological roles. Said Peter Saenz of GLAAD (Geological Land Appraisal And Diagnostics), “Who are we to say a stalactite has to be straight and hook up with a stalagmite? Maybe some stalactites are meant to meet other stalactites, maybe some stalactites want to find their own way through the caves. It’s not for us to dictate.”
This viewpoint has proven controversial, with high ranking clergy at the Vatican stating, “The Bible clearly states that speleothems are between one stalactite and one stalagmite, and that it is the stalactite’s role to descend upon the other.”
Peter Saenz retorts that the Vatican needs to mind its own business about what others go down on.
I AM HERE FOR THIS QUESTION.
I’m about to blow your mind.
I’ll allow it. Next viewing order is determined.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH yes this is a good idea.
I was using various online translator for the SNK OVA summary when Bing showed me this:
Bruce fucking Springsteen
ahahahha! its the Boss.. :3
I just imagined him voicing Eren and now I’m on my way to my grave
1. Girls Shalt Not Have Sex.
(someone asked me what the guy word for ‘slut’ is
and I couldn’t find an answer.
it’s an old story: a rumour goes around that so-and-so
blew a boy in the disabled toilets.
the girl fakes a cough to get herself sent home
to escape the classroom-wide hiss of ‘slut’
while the boy she blew walks into the same class
and is greeted by an onslaught of high-fives)
2. Girls Shalt Love Boys.
(when I was ten, there was a movie trailer where two girls
leaned in for a kiss, and I felt sick for the rest of the day.
it took four years
along with faux-casual questions to friends
useless quizzes on the internet
entries in a diary that I later scribbled out
to admit, fine, okay, yes,
and another year after that to say it without mumbling)
3. Girls Shalt Not Be Bitches.
(it took over ten years of school for me to realize
my women teachers got called bitches
for doing things that my male teachers got called efficient for.
we were assigned to a group project in science class
and whenever my friend tried to tell the others to quiet down
so they could get on with the work,
she was jeered into silence
and she never found it fair that her boyfriend did
the same thing and the noise stopped.)
4. Girls Shalt Have A Vagina.
(she introduced herself with a deep voice and a gushing smile.
she had a pink dress and an adam’s apple
she had a necklace resting above her cleavage
she had escaped from an all-boys high school
and I didn’t understand until I learned later
gender is more than the two rigid boxes
that we are told to tick one of)
5. Girls Shalt Smile.
(he frowned when the subject was brought up
and he shrugged a lot as he explained
that we look better when we smile. Less hostile.
His shrugs stiffened when I asked him why we shouldn’t look hostile.
‘I dunno,’ he said, dropping to a mumble. ‘Girls aren’t s’posed to look hostile, I guess.’
The next time someone walked past me on the street
and told me to smile,
I gave him my sunniest grin
and a middle finger.)